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or How To Achieve What You Want in Life!
You want to be more successful, happier, to find life less boring, have more confidence and assion for life; to get what you want, to be admired and espected by others; have more love and commitment in life don’t you?
Why is it that some people seem to be constantly smiling, always in control, focused and passionately driven in all they do and get amazing results in their careers? Why do they have more friends, more money and wonderfully fulfilling relationships? Why do these people never seem to be afraid, anxious or depressed?
Do they know something we don’t?
In short, whether they know it consciously or not, these people are psychologically “Wired for Success”. Cool, don’t you wish you could be wired for success too? Guess what… you can! …Want to know how…?
OK, let’s take a look at what’s going on in their heads, so you can start doing it yourself!
Secret # 1. “A Great Movie”
We don’t actually live life by what’s going on in the world, we live life by what’s going on in the “Cinema Of Our Mind”. Our emotions, reactions and responses to the world are a result of what’s going on in our mind, how we ‘code’ the world. Here’s an example; two people are walking past a fence and on the other side a dog is barking.
• The first person jumps out of their skin! They’re terrified and convinced that this is a vicious, dangerous animal and they back off as fast as they can!
• The second person smiles, thinks to themselves “what a cute doggy” and stops to pet it!
What’s the difference, the scenario is just the same? Well, it’s how these two people ‘internally code’ the experience that makes it real for them. Some people have better or more useful internal coding than others!
Here’s an exercise;
Think of something that scares or upsets you (spiders; a time when you felt out of control; a person or situation you don’t like). And think what that situation will be like when you next encounter it? Fully get into that experience. As you think of that now, what comes to mind?
- • Is there a picture?
• Is the picture in black & white or colour?
• How bright is it?
• How close or far away?
• Is it moving or still?
• Is there a sound track?
• How loud is it?
• What direction does it come from?
• What are you telling yourself about it?
• In what tone of voice?
• What is the feeling like?
• Where in your body do you feel it?
• Is it heavy or light?
• Is it moving or still?
• Rough or smooth?
• What else do you notice about it?
On the scale below mark how bad it is with 1 being “Not scary/upsetting at all” and 10 being “Absolutely terrifying”
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
OK, got that?
What’s your phone number backwards? Quickly!… Say it out loud!
Right. Now think of something you really love and enjoy (a friend or lover; a much loved pet; a really great party; an activity that you love to do). And think what that situation will be like when you next encounter it? Fully get into that experience. As you think of that now, what comes to mind?
- • Is there a picture?
- • Is the picture in black & white or colour?
- • How bright is it?
- • How close or far away?
- • Is it moving or still?
- • Is there a sound track?
- • How loud is it?
- • What direction does it come from?
- • What are you telling yourself about it?
- • In what tone of voice?
- • What is the feeling like?
- • Where in your body do you feel it?
- • Is it heavy or light?
- • Is it moving or still?
- • Rough or smooth?
- • What else do you notice about it?
Great! Now, what is the difference in the representational features between these two thoughts? By this I don’t mean the content (what you are doing), but how it is coded, ie; Is one still and the other moving? Is one bright and the other dark? Is one loud and the other quiet? Is one a soft feeling and the other hard or rough etc, etc? Just notice the differences…
Now, think about that first thing (that scares or upsets) but this time change the features (colours, brightness, sounds, voices, etc) to the features of the thing you love. Take some time, do that now.
And as you think of going into that old scary/upsetting situation with these feature changes now made, mark on the scale below again and notice the difference.
1 being “Not scary/upsetting at all” and 10 being “Absolutely terrifying”
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Notice how when we change the internal coding of memories and events we can change how that experience affects us now!
Here are some examples of other things you could change in the same way in the same way:
• Confusion to Understanding
• Boredom to Excitement
• Dislike to Liking
...continue to list a few more of your own to work on...
When you become the Conscious Editor of your internal movies you start to run your own emotions rather than have your emotions run you. You start to control your own destiny!
And that’s great, but what is your destiny? What do you want and how do you get it…? That’s where we move on to Secret # 2.
Secret # 2. “Know Where You’re Going And How To Get There”
You don’t go on holiday by just getting in the car and driving! If you don’t know where you’re going, how the heck do you hope to get anywhere that’s of any use?! People who are Driven, Passionate and Successful know where they’re going and what they need to do to get there – they set Goals!
Use this great Goal Setting Guide as a reminder of how to get what you want. Stick it to the fridge or put it on your pin board as a handy reminder.
GOAL SETTING GIUDE
There is an acronym guide for setting goals, SMART. They aren’t totally separate steps and you’ll see how they ‘overlap’ a lot. They’re all just parts of the whole.
S = Specific No vague things like “get fit” or “ lose weight” or “become a writer”. Be specific! Such as, be able to jog 5km in less than 30 minutes; ride my bike to work; lose 10kgs; get a short story published in Readers Digest. M = Measurable Have some intermediate steps along the way that you can celebrate as you achieve them – and make sure you do give yourself plenty of ‘pats on the back’ as you go! For our fitness example, have a set route that you measure your time over once every couple of weeks, and see that time gradually come down. What steps along the way could you have for losing weight or becoming a writer? A = Achievable and Appropriate It must be something that you know you have the time and ability to do. Ask yourself, “how many hours a week can I put aside for this goal and still give quality time to my other responsibilities like family, friends and work?" What things can be dropped – perhaps less time in front of the TV! R = Realistic and Resources Break it down into smaller steps. If you’ve never written anything in your life before, there’s no point in setting a goal to be a world class author in two months! Having said that, our goals do need to be challenging, otherwise there is no pride or sense of achievement. But they do have to be something that you have faith in yourself to be able to achieve. Also, what resources are available to help you? What courses you can take? Friends? Books you could read? Any other contacts?
T = Time limit You need to give yourself a deadline, otherwise procrastination can creep in and other things will likely start to distract you. Stick at it!
Great! Now you’ve turbo charged your vehicle (your brain) and given it great fuel (those great movies) and you’ve got a map to get you where you want to be. But there are always bumps in the road… what happens when situations put you in a bad mood or you get despondent? How do you get out of that state?
Get ready for Secret # 3.
Secret # 3. Changing A Bad Feeling Into A Good One – Instantly!
The third Secret is what NLP calls “anchoring”. States/feelings such as ‘sadness’, ‘anger’, ‘boredom’, etc are often (if not always!) a result of a “stimulus-response” type of reaction. We see, hear or feel something in the environment, or think of something (remember Secret #1?) that starts the feeling; e.g. we see a person or place we don’t like and that brings on a negative feeling; hear a tune that was playing when we were having an argument with a loved one or hear an angry voice that brings all those feelings of sadness, anger or regret flooding back; we feel cold and wet and that makes us feel miserable inside.
Familiar? Not much fun, eh? Well, the great thing is that we can use this exact same “stimulus-response” reaction that our brains do automatically anyway to set up specific triggers (stimuli) to get a much more positive response whenever we choose!
When we are stuck in a bad feeling, a specific ‘neural network’ is firing off in our brain – one of “I feel really bad”! By setting up a ‘trigger’ that’s associated with a fun, happy, relaxed state; we can fire that one off at the same time and it will and help cancel out the negative feeling!
Here’s how…
1. Think of a specific time when you felt really great – perhaps “happy”, or “excited”, “relaxed”, “confident” or “mellow”.
2. Really get back into that time, remember it as if you are there, now. Seeing through your own eyes, hearing what you’re hearing and really feel that wonderful feeling. The stronger you can get this, the better!
3. Now make the pictures even brighter, clearer, and more colourful.
Notice the sounds and how good they are. How are you talking to yourself in this time? In what tone of voice? What are you saying? How are you talking to others and how are they talking to you?
Notice where that feeling is in your body and how great it feels. Is it moving or still? Light or heavy? Does it have a colour? How big is it? – Now ‘juice it up’ make it even better! …that’s right…
4. And as you are there fully, now – squeeze a finger and thumb together as you continue to be in that time, making it even better, brighter even more enjoyable!
Done! That was easy wasn’t it? Now when you hit those bumps along the road to Success and Happiness, just squeeze that finger and thumb together again… and allow all of those really great feelings to come flooding back!
So now you have some really great tools and techniques to allow you to take control of your life and emotions; to know what you want and how to get there and how to deal with problems as they arise.
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What you’ve just practiced are just a few of the hundreds (if not thousands!) of really easy and amazingly powerful techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). Easy because NLP studies and uses exactly the same processes as your brain and neurology use anyway!!
Now Go Out and Fulfil Your Dreams!
For more information on Personal & Executive Coaching, Therapy and Training using Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Neuro-Semantics (NS), MetaCoaching and Hypnosis; contact Alan Fayter on Christchurch (03) 942 2103 or email alan@optimum-mind.co.nz
